she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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