I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
