I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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