i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
