Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
