Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
