Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
