I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize