I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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