I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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