Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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