I just threw up on my dentist
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
