she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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