Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
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it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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