He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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