Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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