we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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