Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
