it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
