I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
