FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
