I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Swine flu. Run for my life!
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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