end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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