You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
