somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
