Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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