He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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