Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Boobs are out for the taking
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
