I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
