look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
