why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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