i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
