What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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