We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
