Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
