the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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