she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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