God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
