im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
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Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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