I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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