Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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