Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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