I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
