also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize