I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
