waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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