sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I understand Curling. That high.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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