haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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