dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
