I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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