Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
