He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
