Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
