You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
