As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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