Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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