i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
