god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
