at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
