Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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