I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
