Just took my morning after pill in the library
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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