Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
