First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
